The rent-out process started slow. People seemed interested and sent a bunch of email inquiries, but I only had one person show up. It was a young woman who showed up with her father. The father looked like a douchebag, and my suspicions were confirmed when he introduced himself as the assistant chief of Smalltown’s fire department. Remember my rule? Never deal with anyone who introduces him/herself by their job title. So that was over before it started. The next people to show up was an interracial family whom I really liked. They seemed very interested in the property, but dropped small hints that the price of $1,000 a month was too high. So, after consulting with this blog, I decided to drop the price to $900. About an hour after I dropped the price, the calls came pouring in and my calendar filled up with appointments. Here were some of the contestants:
#1 Young Married Couple
You know those white-skinned girls who like to go to Africa to help out? Yeah, she was one of them. We talked for almost an hour about African stuff which seemed to annoy her husband a bit. While she liked the place, I think he just wanted to get her the hell out of there before I fucked her. Seriously though, it was the longest conversation I’ve had with an interesting woman in a long while and it felt good. I gave them an application but they never returned it.
#2 Man and Woman / Garage Managers
They had the same last name, but I forgot to ask if they were husband/wife or brother/sister. They both worked as managers for several parking lots, and make a combined $30 an hour. They were the first to fill out an application right there, which is always a good sign.
#3 The Single Mother / Bank Job Teller
When she took off her sunglasses, I knew I had seen her before. It turned out that she works at the same bank job that I do, but at a different branch as a teller. She lives in the area, and has one son. The father of the kid is dead, so the kid gets survivor benefits of $800 a month. That combined with her income makes her a decent candidate, and she also filled out the application right there.
#4 Mother and Daughter on Welfare
Ugh. They kept asking questions and I answered with affirmation, even though I was lying. They asked if they can pay half of the money owed in the first month, and then half the following month. Only an asshole with no job would ask this. I said I would work with them. They asked if I minded that they are smokers. I said no, not at all. I said whatever it took for these welfare animals to fill out the application and give me the $20 application fee. There are people in this country that actually need welfare, and these hillbilly bitches weren’t them. I took their money and used some of it to buy Chinese food.
#5 Grandmother with Young Daughter who has a Son
I liked the grandmother. She worked hard and her daughter was drop dead gorgeous. I mean, supermodel-type gorgeous. She shares custody with the baby’s father, but I was honestly surprised she didn’t have more kids. They filled out an application right there.
So it came down to prospective tenants #2, #3, #4, and #5. Obviously I eliminated #4. I also had to eliminate #5 because, even though the grandmother makes money, her daughter doesn’t work. So a lot of that money has to go to the daughter and her kid, and that’s less money going towards rent and utilities. So it came down #2 and #3, the parking garage managers and the bank job teller.
The garage managers made more money overall, but I felt a weird vibe with them. I can’t describe it but, compared to the single mother, they seemed more likely to cause some type of problem with me. When I did the landlord verification with them, their property manager described them as hard working and able to make payments on time. When I asked if there were any problems between them and other tenants in their building, the manager admitted that they can be “fussy” if another apartment is making too much noise. The way she said “fussy” set off a big alarm, and I made my decision right there. There were, of course, other factors:
Taking all factors into account, I chose the single mother, Latisha. Yeah. I chose a single African-American woman. I know, my inner racist was confused as well. Will it work out? I honestly think so. History, however, is not on my side. I never had good experiences renting to single women. And I have yet to be in a situation in which an African American tenant paid rent on time for at least four consecutive months. But I did my homework with Latisha, and the fact that she's been at the same job for 10 years and has been living in the same neighborhood as Property 4 leads me to believe things will work out... at least for a couple of years.
As usual, a few prospective tenants called me AFTER it had been rented out to give in their application. Like the cool looking black guy who arrived at his appointment on a motorcycle, or the young couple who fell in love with the place but had to wait before filling out an application (the young couple intrigued me greatly... She was 5'0" and he was 6'4"... I couldn't help wondering what they'd look like having sex). I could have pretended that the place was still available and to get that sweet $20 application fee, but there I felt no need to get grimy. I have my property. I had to lower my asking price by $100, but I have my tenant. Now it's time to make some sweet rental income.
P.S.: I was gonna post this as is, but I do have a confession. There is a part of me that likes the fact that Latisha works at the bank job. The bank job employees are such snobby bitches, and it feels very cool knowing that one of them lives in MY property. It's the property of the slow-witted worthless security guard that walks in the bank's dirty garage in a filthy suit. Haha! I had to feed my ego just a bit.
#1 Young Married Couple
You know those white-skinned girls who like to go to Africa to help out? Yeah, she was one of them. We talked for almost an hour about African stuff which seemed to annoy her husband a bit. While she liked the place, I think he just wanted to get her the hell out of there before I fucked her. Seriously though, it was the longest conversation I’ve had with an interesting woman in a long while and it felt good. I gave them an application but they never returned it.
#2 Man and Woman / Garage Managers
They had the same last name, but I forgot to ask if they were husband/wife or brother/sister. They both worked as managers for several parking lots, and make a combined $30 an hour. They were the first to fill out an application right there, which is always a good sign.
#3 The Single Mother / Bank Job Teller
When she took off her sunglasses, I knew I had seen her before. It turned out that she works at the same bank job that I do, but at a different branch as a teller. She lives in the area, and has one son. The father of the kid is dead, so the kid gets survivor benefits of $800 a month. That combined with her income makes her a decent candidate, and she also filled out the application right there.
#4 Mother and Daughter on Welfare
Ugh. They kept asking questions and I answered with affirmation, even though I was lying. They asked if they can pay half of the money owed in the first month, and then half the following month. Only an asshole with no job would ask this. I said I would work with them. They asked if I minded that they are smokers. I said no, not at all. I said whatever it took for these welfare animals to fill out the application and give me the $20 application fee. There are people in this country that actually need welfare, and these hillbilly bitches weren’t them. I took their money and used some of it to buy Chinese food.
#5 Grandmother with Young Daughter who has a Son
I liked the grandmother. She worked hard and her daughter was drop dead gorgeous. I mean, supermodel-type gorgeous. She shares custody with the baby’s father, but I was honestly surprised she didn’t have more kids. They filled out an application right there.
So it came down to prospective tenants #2, #3, #4, and #5. Obviously I eliminated #4. I also had to eliminate #5 because, even though the grandmother makes money, her daughter doesn’t work. So a lot of that money has to go to the daughter and her kid, and that’s less money going towards rent and utilities. So it came down #2 and #3, the parking garage managers and the bank job teller.
The garage managers made more money overall, but I felt a weird vibe with them. I can’t describe it but, compared to the single mother, they seemed more likely to cause some type of problem with me. When I did the landlord verification with them, their property manager described them as hard working and able to make payments on time. When I asked if there were any problems between them and other tenants in their building, the manager admitted that they can be “fussy” if another apartment is making too much noise. The way she said “fussy” set off a big alarm, and I made my decision right there. There were, of course, other factors:
- The garage managers lived in an apartment and only had to pay for electricity. The single mother is used to living in a house, and lives in the neighborhood of Property 4.
- The garage managers have two cars while the single mother only has one. Property 4 has a shared driveway, and I really want there to be as little driveway traffic as possible. Variable elimination, remember?
Taking all factors into account, I chose the single mother, Latisha. Yeah. I chose a single African-American woman. I know, my inner racist was confused as well. Will it work out? I honestly think so. History, however, is not on my side. I never had good experiences renting to single women. And I have yet to be in a situation in which an African American tenant paid rent on time for at least four consecutive months. But I did my homework with Latisha, and the fact that she's been at the same job for 10 years and has been living in the same neighborhood as Property 4 leads me to believe things will work out... at least for a couple of years.
As usual, a few prospective tenants called me AFTER it had been rented out to give in their application. Like the cool looking black guy who arrived at his appointment on a motorcycle, or the young couple who fell in love with the place but had to wait before filling out an application (the young couple intrigued me greatly... She was 5'0" and he was 6'4"... I couldn't help wondering what they'd look like having sex). I could have pretended that the place was still available and to get that sweet $20 application fee, but there I felt no need to get grimy. I have my property. I had to lower my asking price by $100, but I have my tenant. Now it's time to make some sweet rental income.
P.S.: I was gonna post this as is, but I do have a confession. There is a part of me that likes the fact that Latisha works at the bank job. The bank job employees are such snobby bitches, and it feels very cool knowing that one of them lives in MY property. It's the property of the slow-witted worthless security guard that walks in the bank's dirty garage in a filthy suit. Haha! I had to feed my ego just a bit.
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