Beware, this is about family. So naturally, this will be a massive rant that probably won't make sense to anyone but me.
Family. My ass.
My dad had a stroke a few years ago. Shortly after he returned from the hospital, he had second stroke. With no family around to take care of him, his church stepped in and helped him with paying bills and finding a good home health aides that his Medicaid pays for. One of the church pastors, Morona, took over paying his bills. What I didn’t know was that Morona has been stealing money from him ever since. The first time I knew about was stealing money that he sent to the church for his yearly tithes last year. A couple months ago, Alan calls to say that there's $3,000 missing from his bank account that was supposed to go towards his mortgage. He’s in danger of foreclosure if he can’t come up with the money or they’ll have to restructure the loan which will be more interest in the long run.
So I had to step up and hire a lawyer to become his new power of attorney. Once I gained control of his bank account, I saw just how many thousands of dollars that bitch siphoned from his account. I also had to become is primary healthcare proxy since Morona also took that over. She connected him with doctors and nurses that she knew, making it very difficult to get anything done without getting attitude and, in one case, a door being slammed in my face. I have to balance his account, finding ways to use his social security income to pay his new mortgage payments, utilities, food, transportation, and still have a little left over each month for savings.
A couple of years ago, I stopped learning Yoruba after months of study. I lost the motivation because I really saw no point. Nigerians can be so annoying, as one can clearly see when a pastor steals from one of their blind parishoners. But family is equally annoying. I'm the youngest of my father's children, yet I'm the one that has to "step up". My sister, Ana, knew about Morona stealing from my father for years. Her response? Nothing. She did absolutely nothing except to tell my father that he needs to get his eyes fixed and set up appointments with doctors that Morona blocked. She felt comfortable visiting my father on birthdays and holidays with Morona there. According to my father, she even offered to be secondary power of attorney to Morona, which made no fucking sense. Why would you want to be secondary to someone who is robbing your father?! Just last week, my father asked me to ask Ana for $150 to cover food for the month. Ana's response? She didn't have the money and is saving up for a trip to Europe in June. I'm not kidding, that was the actual response from someone who is now listed as his secondary power of attorney.
My brother Alex sent $1,000 to help out but, to be honest, that was supposed to be my role. He doesn't have to deal with the headaches, just send some cash and go about his life. I mean seriously, this shit is so backwards. My sister passes the responsibility, even though she's the oldest, lives only a half hour away, and has a DEGREE IN ACCOUNTING that would make it easy to balance Alan's checkbook. My brother is also older than me, so the responsibility should be his. Even if he lives the farthest away, it doesn't take much to manage Alan's finances. With online access to his account and the use of a phone, his finances can be managed from anywhere. So now all the responsibility now rests with me, the security guard who lives hundreds of miles away.
While everyone else traveled to places I've always wanted to go and lived life however they pleased, I stayed in bumfuck Smalltown working crazy hours and lived in that nasty ass basement apartment for 12 years. I took the dirty looks when working crappy security jobs while everyone snubbed their noses and forgot I existed. And I was okay with that as long as they continued to forget I existed. But the second there's trouble in the family, all of a sudden my name is remembered. You know, after I returned from NYC running all over the place, Ana called to "thank me for all I am doing." It was the first time I've ever wanted to physically hit Ana in my life. Thanking me for doing the job you are more than capable of handling?! Making my life more difficult while you get to live your life and take vacations? Fuck outta here!
My dad had a stroke a few years ago. Shortly after he returned from the hospital, he had second stroke. With no family around to take care of him, his church stepped in and helped him with paying bills and finding a good home health aides that his Medicaid pays for. One of the church pastors, Morona, took over paying his bills. What I didn’t know was that Morona has been stealing money from him ever since. The first time I knew about was stealing money that he sent to the church for his yearly tithes last year. A couple months ago, Alan calls to say that there's $3,000 missing from his bank account that was supposed to go towards his mortgage. He’s in danger of foreclosure if he can’t come up with the money or they’ll have to restructure the loan which will be more interest in the long run.
So I had to step up and hire a lawyer to become his new power of attorney. Once I gained control of his bank account, I saw just how many thousands of dollars that bitch siphoned from his account. I also had to become is primary healthcare proxy since Morona also took that over. She connected him with doctors and nurses that she knew, making it very difficult to get anything done without getting attitude and, in one case, a door being slammed in my face. I have to balance his account, finding ways to use his social security income to pay his new mortgage payments, utilities, food, transportation, and still have a little left over each month for savings.
A couple of years ago, I stopped learning Yoruba after months of study. I lost the motivation because I really saw no point. Nigerians can be so annoying, as one can clearly see when a pastor steals from one of their blind parishoners. But family is equally annoying. I'm the youngest of my father's children, yet I'm the one that has to "step up". My sister, Ana, knew about Morona stealing from my father for years. Her response? Nothing. She did absolutely nothing except to tell my father that he needs to get his eyes fixed and set up appointments with doctors that Morona blocked. She felt comfortable visiting my father on birthdays and holidays with Morona there. According to my father, she even offered to be secondary power of attorney to Morona, which made no fucking sense. Why would you want to be secondary to someone who is robbing your father?! Just last week, my father asked me to ask Ana for $150 to cover food for the month. Ana's response? She didn't have the money and is saving up for a trip to Europe in June. I'm not kidding, that was the actual response from someone who is now listed as his secondary power of attorney.
My brother Alex sent $1,000 to help out but, to be honest, that was supposed to be my role. He doesn't have to deal with the headaches, just send some cash and go about his life. I mean seriously, this shit is so backwards. My sister passes the responsibility, even though she's the oldest, lives only a half hour away, and has a DEGREE IN ACCOUNTING that would make it easy to balance Alan's checkbook. My brother is also older than me, so the responsibility should be his. Even if he lives the farthest away, it doesn't take much to manage Alan's finances. With online access to his account and the use of a phone, his finances can be managed from anywhere. So now all the responsibility now rests with me, the security guard who lives hundreds of miles away.
While everyone else traveled to places I've always wanted to go and lived life however they pleased, I stayed in bumfuck Smalltown working crazy hours and lived in that nasty ass basement apartment for 12 years. I took the dirty looks when working crappy security jobs while everyone snubbed their noses and forgot I existed. And I was okay with that as long as they continued to forget I existed. But the second there's trouble in the family, all of a sudden my name is remembered. You know, after I returned from NYC running all over the place, Ana called to "thank me for all I am doing." It was the first time I've ever wanted to physically hit Ana in my life. Thanking me for doing the job you are more than capable of handling?! Making my life more difficult while you get to live your life and take vacations? Fuck outta here!
If I had known... hmmm. I had to stop and think before I wrote this next sentence. If I had known that this was gonna be my life, that I would be shackled with everyone else's familial responsibilities for the rest of my days, I wouldn't have fought cancer. Seriously. To live to take on the responsibilities of others?? I remember when my mom had to do that with my grandmother, but at least it made sense at the time. My mother was the only one who lived in America, so it made sense to send Grandma to wherever she can get the best medical care. But this situation makes no sense. Practically any other one of my siblings can do what I'm doing now, especially my sister, but they choose to pass the buck. And that shit is completely unfair.
I stuck to the unofficial rules that this family laid out. From the time I was a kid, I saw that the Kor family treated friends better than each other. I think my parents even wanted it that way, as I remembered how I was shielded from relatives when I visited Nigeria years ago. The second anyone was old enough and had a little bit of money, they ran as far away as possible from the family. While my mother and I took care of my grandmom, everyone else did their own thing. Now that I'm six months away from retiring from paycheck work and preparing to experience the life I worked hard to get, I now have to handle this mess.
I know this is a rant, and I said no more rants. But I really had to get this out and there's no one else around me. I pretty much kicked everyone out of my life except for Brooklyn Mike, and he wouldn't fully understand what I'm talking about. And I know I'm supposed to handle a situation like this with himility and understanding... and I will... but only after I'm able to get this anger out.
See, it's not the money I lose that really bothers me. It's the responsibility. Anytime Alan calls with a complaint about something, I have to handle it. Issue with home health aide schedule? Buying clippers so a church member can give him a haircut? Refrigerator doesn't work? I get the call, and finding the resolution rests with me. I also have to field calls from his church friends, medical care, and financial institutions if they have questions about him. I mean, I guess I don't already have enough on my plate right? Health issues, property management, quitting my job, and all the stress that will come with being self-employed. With no help from anyone! These fucking people, I swear!!!! Hmm.. okay. Now that I've ranted, I can clear my head and see what the next logical step is.
Once I get Alan's financials in order, I'll pay his bills at the same time as mine. I'll take the calls from the nurse's program that handles his care, as well as calls from Alan himself about recreational activities he wants to partake in. I'll deal with all the extra bullshit that comes with having Ana is secondary power of attorney. And, despite all my anger, I'll do the Thanksgivings. I'll answer questions about myself when anyone asks, knowing that they couldn't give a flying shit. I'll do all of it, knowing in the back of my mind that this isn't a real family. I don't quite know what we are, but if family means that you run when things are good for you and then return for help when things are bad, then I want no part of it. Those weren't the rules, and I based my entire financial planning around the rules of familial duty and personal responsibility. And I'll stick to them even when everyone else passes the buck. Because I now know for a fact that if I didn't step up, no one else would have and my father would be homeless. For shame.
P.S.: For a split second, I was tempted to ask my mom Anita for help. But the truth is that this is not her responsibility. She divorced the guy a long time ago, and even encouraged us to get involved when Morona first came into the picture. Anita has done more than her share as a true mom, and I don't want her anywhere near this mess.
P.P.S.: I always used to complain about Smalltown. But after dealing with this shit, I was more than happy to see that "Welcome to Smalltown" sign when driving back from NYC this month. Family ruined NYC for me, and even though Anita has a property here, I won't let them ruin Smalltown too.
No comments:
Post a Comment