So it’s half past 11pm and I’m in my car. I didn’t think I was gonna write a birthday post this year, but… it’s been one hell of a day.
I got almost no sleep the night before my birthday and had 2 crazy nightmares. I lost money in the stock market. I went to the gym but had to end it early because I ended up with a crank in my neck after doing the shoulder press. One of my co-workers got fired so they’re pressuring me to work mornings next week… which I refused to do. After work I went home hoping to get some sleep, only to find tha there were bats in the fucking basement again. I knew I couldn’t sleep through their flying around and didn’t have the energy to chase them around, so I’m in my car and will probably sleep here tonight. It’s a perfect storm of bad events in a day that lead me to reflect on all the obstacles in my way. Once I do that, I get down on myself like I’m doing right now. Rather than go through the list, I’ll just talk about the main issue: I don’t want to fail.
Remember The Rockers? They were a popular wrestling tag team that consisted of Shawn Michaels and Marty Jannetty. When the team broke up, Shawn became a superstar while Marty faded into obscurity. When Sam and I stopped talking, I knew there would be added pressure on nights like this. Every failure now has the Sam factor. While I’m sitting here in my car writing a post, Sam is fast asleep in his comfy bed with no bats disturbing him. Stuff like that, you know?
It’s very rare to get a perfect storm of bad shit happen in a day, maybe once or twice a year. In fact, writing this post tonight has put everything in perspective. But one thing I know I’ll carry with me until the day I retire is that pressure. The only time Sam ever pops into my head is on days like this. Instead of complaining like I was so used to, I now turn all my negatives into positives. Use the Mirror Theory. Take that pressure and use it to discipline myself not to make the simple mistakes that lose me money in the stock market. Work harder and smarter so that I can move out of that godforsaken basement, retire, and live in a quiet, bat-free environment. I guess that’s the big difference between last year and this year. There’s a lot less complaining and a lot more problem solving. A year wiser indeed.
P.S.: Nights like this also remind me that it's just me here in Smalltown. No one to lean on or talk to... just me. Even more reason not to fuck up.
I got almost no sleep the night before my birthday and had 2 crazy nightmares. I lost money in the stock market. I went to the gym but had to end it early because I ended up with a crank in my neck after doing the shoulder press. One of my co-workers got fired so they’re pressuring me to work mornings next week… which I refused to do. After work I went home hoping to get some sleep, only to find tha there were bats in the fucking basement again. I knew I couldn’t sleep through their flying around and didn’t have the energy to chase them around, so I’m in my car and will probably sleep here tonight. It’s a perfect storm of bad events in a day that lead me to reflect on all the obstacles in my way. Once I do that, I get down on myself like I’m doing right now. Rather than go through the list, I’ll just talk about the main issue: I don’t want to fail.
Remember The Rockers? They were a popular wrestling tag team that consisted of Shawn Michaels and Marty Jannetty. When the team broke up, Shawn became a superstar while Marty faded into obscurity. When Sam and I stopped talking, I knew there would be added pressure on nights like this. Every failure now has the Sam factor. While I’m sitting here in my car writing a post, Sam is fast asleep in his comfy bed with no bats disturbing him. Stuff like that, you know?
It’s very rare to get a perfect storm of bad shit happen in a day, maybe once or twice a year. In fact, writing this post tonight has put everything in perspective. But one thing I know I’ll carry with me until the day I retire is that pressure. The only time Sam ever pops into my head is on days like this. Instead of complaining like I was so used to, I now turn all my negatives into positives. Use the Mirror Theory. Take that pressure and use it to discipline myself not to make the simple mistakes that lose me money in the stock market. Work harder and smarter so that I can move out of that godforsaken basement, retire, and live in a quiet, bat-free environment. I guess that’s the big difference between last year and this year. There’s a lot less complaining and a lot more problem solving. A year wiser indeed.
P.S.: Nights like this also remind me that it's just me here in Smalltown. No one to lean on or talk to... just me. Even more reason not to fuck up.
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