So I come to another birthday. I have to admit that the tone has certainly changed when it comes to these days. Usually I’d get down on myself for growing older another year without retiring. But this year (and I suspect subsequent years) felt different. I actually felt good about being older. Why?
The first reason is that I’ll be dead soon. That sounds morbid but it’s honest. The real estate thing is getting on my nerves. Round 1 of the stock trading was a dismal failure. The dating thing has been nothing short of disappointing. And I can’t even bring myself to write about the stuff going on with family. It’s been such a clusterfuck of a year that I… I seriously don’t know how I do it. I’m not sure where I get the motivation from when I know I don’t even want to be “here”, you know? But the only joy I get is knowing that all this will come to an end. We all die. Some do their best to avoid it. Some fear it. I… well… you know.
The other reason is far less morbid. I really enjoy learning about things, and every year it seems I learn something new. Most of the credit goes to this blog, as I’ve learned so much about myself over the years… things that would cost me hundreds of thousands of dollars to get from a psychiatrist. Every year I learn and get smarter. So I don’t wish for the days of youth because I’d rather be older and wiser than young and dumb as shit. I never want to be 18 again. Or 21. Or 30. Or 33. The knowledge I possess will grow every year, and that should be the goal of every person every year. To be better and smarter than they were yesterday. It doesn’t happen that way, of course, but who really cares about everyone else? I’m important. Me. Always.
Happy birthday to the great Ahkenaten Kor. I feel good knowing that I’ll never be better than I am right now. And I can say that every day until the next birthday comes along.
The first reason is that I’ll be dead soon. That sounds morbid but it’s honest. The real estate thing is getting on my nerves. Round 1 of the stock trading was a dismal failure. The dating thing has been nothing short of disappointing. And I can’t even bring myself to write about the stuff going on with family. It’s been such a clusterfuck of a year that I… I seriously don’t know how I do it. I’m not sure where I get the motivation from when I know I don’t even want to be “here”, you know? But the only joy I get is knowing that all this will come to an end. We all die. Some do their best to avoid it. Some fear it. I… well… you know.
The other reason is far less morbid. I really enjoy learning about things, and every year it seems I learn something new. Most of the credit goes to this blog, as I’ve learned so much about myself over the years… things that would cost me hundreds of thousands of dollars to get from a psychiatrist. Every year I learn and get smarter. So I don’t wish for the days of youth because I’d rather be older and wiser than young and dumb as shit. I never want to be 18 again. Or 21. Or 30. Or 33. The knowledge I possess will grow every year, and that should be the goal of every person every year. To be better and smarter than they were yesterday. It doesn’t happen that way, of course, but who really cares about everyone else? I’m important. Me. Always.
Happy birthday to the great Ahkenaten Kor. I feel good knowing that I’ll never be better than I am right now. And I can say that every day until the next birthday comes along.
Happy birthday!! I hope you had some money set aside to spoil yourself in a way that you generally don't allow.
ReplyDeleteThanks Trix...
DeleteI never thought about spoiling myself until after I built the basement apartment. There doesn't seem to be a good symphony in Smalltown, but the New York Philharmonic has excellent shows for cheap. I think I might go to a show the next time I have to go to NYC...
"And here s proof that you do not have an 86 IQ. The smarter someone is, the more they see what is wrong in the world. It is a conscious choice to see everything through rose/colored glasses. It took a lot of training for me to get there. Have you watched The Secret? As part of my training, I used to watch it every day. I wish I could offer more advise, but it is very late and I am sleepy."
ReplyDeleteI never really got into the Secret as much as others. The concept is nice, but I don't think it's designed for people like me who believe what I believe. Besides, I'm still trying to get into that 4 hour work week. So far so good with that....