One awful date. One practice date. And one possible no-show. After a little over a week it’s safe to say that this dating venture was the disaster I predicted it would be. I’ve been having trouble staying motivated, so I’m gonna try something with this post. Since the whole purpose of this dating venture is to get stable sex, I’m gonna remind myself of just how good sex can be. And it all starts with my 3rd girlfriend, Brenda R.
Brenda and I met in college. I was a tutor at the CCNY Writing Center, and she came in looking for help with a paper. When she walked in, all the guys stared at her because she was truly striking. 5’11”, beautiful brown skin, great face, magnificent body with a shelf ass (Shelf Ass: when a woman can stand up straight and a can of soda will balance perfectly if placed at the nape of her back).
I was the only tutor who didn’t have a session, so I lucked out and we got started. By the end of our tutoring session we exchanged numbers, and our first date was a couple days later. She was perfect and, at the time, I felt she was out of my league. I was 20 and she was 38, which added much to my lack of confidence. After a couple of dates she invited me to her apartment and we had sex. I knew I had to bring it, so I made sure to jerk off beforehand. I made sure we did three positions. And I made sure to hold out for at least 15 minutes thanks to her clock on top of the TV. This was my standard routine and I had no complaints from the girls before her. I thought I did great, but I noticed she wasn’t as… satisfied as I expected. I tried doing it harder and longer, but she still gave off the same attitude. Then she had an idea.
Brenda wanted us to make a sex tape and watch it afterwards. I didn’t like taking pictures of myself (still don't), so one could understand how much I protested against it. But I figured this was her thing, something that may finally get her off… so I agreed. Once we finished she popped in the sex tape. I… hmm. To this day, I have never been so embarrassed of myself. I was talking so much during the sex and I wouldn’t shut up. Later, I would realize that I was subconsciously emulating the black guys in porn who talk throughout the whole scene (worst porn ever). It was the only kind of porn I was exposed to at the time, so I figured that was the way to do it. Brenda was chuckling at my reaction and I laughed it off, even though I wanted to throw that VCR at her fucking head and get the hell out of there. Once the shaming was over, she said something like, “If you really want to have sex, I’m gonna have to school you.” Wanting to make up for my embarrassing performance, I agreed.
The first thing she told me was that I needed to be quiet. Not just because my talking was excessive, but because it was distracting me from what sex really is. It wasn’t a communication of words but rather a communication of body language. While I agreed that I needed to stop talking during sex, I didn’t understand the body language part... so she elaborated using the example of dance. While these weren’t her exact words, this was the gist of it:
“It’s like dancing. When you’re dancing to the music, both our bodies are feeding off each other. We know what to do based on the way the music makes us feel. With sex, our bodies are making their own music. The most important music is the woman’s because that sets the tone. If I’m in the mood to be fucked hard, my body will play that music. Your body has to recognize that I want to be fucked hard, and then the dance begins. The same goes for if I want it slow or if I want to change positions. You have to get used to my body language before we can start having great sex. Only after that can we change things up. Maybe one night your music will take the lead and I’ll follow it. But it all starts with understanding mine.”
Now this stuff kinda went over my head at the time. Remember, I was 20. My argument was, “If you want to be fucked hard or fast or slow, why not just tell me beforehand? Why make things difficult by taking words completely out of sex?” Her exact words when I presented this argument were, “Shut up.”
For the next few weeks, our sex was horrible. I felt as if I was being tested and graded with every thrust. I knew what she was trying to do and I kind of appreciated it, but it was taking me out of what was then my game. After a few weeks and a lot of sex, I started to notice the little things. Like what it meant when her legs would wrap around me or when she’d kiss my chest. I started to see, for example, that she’d kiss me hard and be aggressive when she wanted to change positions. Her thighs would squeeze my sides harder when she wanted me to go faster, and kick back to go deeper. Everything she said was finally making sense and, when I put everything together, the sex was MIND BLOWING! A perfect analogy would be my Mixed Chorus class in high school.
Different sections had their parts to sing in the same song, like the Hallelujah chorus. Baritones, sopranos, altos, and tenors have their separate parts. When all the different parts come together and the timing is right, it is magic. That's what it felt like, magic. A physical and mental orgasm at the same time! She wanted to teach me more stuff but I ended our relationship a couple of weeks after she had asked me to move in with her. After Brenda, I couldn’t have sex any other way. What’s great is that it works for every woman because no two women are exactly the same. The sex usually starts out boring for me because I have to figure out the body language. The better a woman knows her own body, the quicker I’m able to figure out her body’s language. And once I do, it’s amongst the best feelings in the world. But this style of sex has a major drawback.
When I break up with a woman or stop having sex for a while, it becomes very tempting to get back with her solely based on the fact that I know her body’s language inside and out. For example, I got a text from my old fuck buddy Mercedes about two months ago. It just said “hey”, but I knew what that meant. What makes it tempting is that I know Mercedes inside and out. Her body and my own speak the same language, to the point that they’re best of friends. There’s no learning curve with her, so I can just meet and have that kind of sex immediately. That’s the temptation. It’s easy to resist when I consider the amount of drama her crazy ass brings, but the temptation's still there.
This post is serving its purpose as I write. I won’t be able to get up and do my rounds for a couple minutes, and I’m already getting motivated to go hunting again. The sex was that amazing, and years of jerking off made me forget just how poor of a substitute it is to the real thing. Let’s hope this translates into more success in my dates. But even if it doesn’t, at least I have the reasons why I’m putting myself through this bullshit. And trust me Ahkenaten, it’s worth it.
P.S.: There’s a hidden agenda in writing this post. After I wrote about my porn addiction back in April, I’ve greatly reduced the amount of porn I watch. I cancelled my only two porn subscriptions with Brazzers and Kink, the only websites I felt deserved my money based on their high production quality. I barely visit XVideos anymore since it seems like the same old stuff over and over again (BBC, Milf, Teen, Yada Yada Yada). My sexual aggression is the same, but now I use memories of past sexual experiences as my porn. Pictures of old ex girlfriends or just random women wearing regular clothes is usually enough to get me going. This post is bringing back a lot of great sexual memories as I wrote it, so I’m betting the memories will continue to resurface with every read. Teeheehee!
Brenda and I met in college. I was a tutor at the CCNY Writing Center, and she came in looking for help with a paper. When she walked in, all the guys stared at her because she was truly striking. 5’11”, beautiful brown skin, great face, magnificent body with a shelf ass (Shelf Ass: when a woman can stand up straight and a can of soda will balance perfectly if placed at the nape of her back).
 |
| Perfect example of a shelf ass from a random pic found online |
I was the only tutor who didn’t have a session, so I lucked out and we got started. By the end of our tutoring session we exchanged numbers, and our first date was a couple days later. She was perfect and, at the time, I felt she was out of my league. I was 20 and she was 38, which added much to my lack of confidence. After a couple of dates she invited me to her apartment and we had sex. I knew I had to bring it, so I made sure to jerk off beforehand. I made sure we did three positions. And I made sure to hold out for at least 15 minutes thanks to her clock on top of the TV. This was my standard routine and I had no complaints from the girls before her. I thought I did great, but I noticed she wasn’t as… satisfied as I expected. I tried doing it harder and longer, but she still gave off the same attitude. Then she had an idea.
Brenda wanted us to make a sex tape and watch it afterwards. I didn’t like taking pictures of myself (still don't), so one could understand how much I protested against it. But I figured this was her thing, something that may finally get her off… so I agreed. Once we finished she popped in the sex tape. I… hmm. To this day, I have never been so embarrassed of myself. I was talking so much during the sex and I wouldn’t shut up. Later, I would realize that I was subconsciously emulating the black guys in porn who talk throughout the whole scene (worst porn ever). It was the only kind of porn I was exposed to at the time, so I figured that was the way to do it. Brenda was chuckling at my reaction and I laughed it off, even though I wanted to throw that VCR at her fucking head and get the hell out of there. Once the shaming was over, she said something like, “If you really want to have sex, I’m gonna have to school you.” Wanting to make up for my embarrassing performance, I agreed.
The first thing she told me was that I needed to be quiet. Not just because my talking was excessive, but because it was distracting me from what sex really is. It wasn’t a communication of words but rather a communication of body language. While I agreed that I needed to stop talking during sex, I didn’t understand the body language part... so she elaborated using the example of dance. While these weren’t her exact words, this was the gist of it:
“It’s like dancing. When you’re dancing to the music, both our bodies are feeding off each other. We know what to do based on the way the music makes us feel. With sex, our bodies are making their own music. The most important music is the woman’s because that sets the tone. If I’m in the mood to be fucked hard, my body will play that music. Your body has to recognize that I want to be fucked hard, and then the dance begins. The same goes for if I want it slow or if I want to change positions. You have to get used to my body language before we can start having great sex. Only after that can we change things up. Maybe one night your music will take the lead and I’ll follow it. But it all starts with understanding mine.”
Now this stuff kinda went over my head at the time. Remember, I was 20. My argument was, “If you want to be fucked hard or fast or slow, why not just tell me beforehand? Why make things difficult by taking words completely out of sex?” Her exact words when I presented this argument were, “Shut up.”
For the next few weeks, our sex was horrible. I felt as if I was being tested and graded with every thrust. I knew what she was trying to do and I kind of appreciated it, but it was taking me out of what was then my game. After a few weeks and a lot of sex, I started to notice the little things. Like what it meant when her legs would wrap around me or when she’d kiss my chest. I started to see, for example, that she’d kiss me hard and be aggressive when she wanted to change positions. Her thighs would squeeze my sides harder when she wanted me to go faster, and kick back to go deeper. Everything she said was finally making sense and, when I put everything together, the sex was MIND BLOWING! A perfect analogy would be my Mixed Chorus class in high school.
Different sections had their parts to sing in the same song, like the Hallelujah chorus. Baritones, sopranos, altos, and tenors have their separate parts. When all the different parts come together and the timing is right, it is magic. That's what it felt like, magic. A physical and mental orgasm at the same time! She wanted to teach me more stuff but I ended our relationship a couple of weeks after she had asked me to move in with her. After Brenda, I couldn’t have sex any other way. What’s great is that it works for every woman because no two women are exactly the same. The sex usually starts out boring for me because I have to figure out the body language. The better a woman knows her own body, the quicker I’m able to figure out her body’s language. And once I do, it’s amongst the best feelings in the world. But this style of sex has a major drawback.
When I break up with a woman or stop having sex for a while, it becomes very tempting to get back with her solely based on the fact that I know her body’s language inside and out. For example, I got a text from my old fuck buddy Mercedes about two months ago. It just said “hey”, but I knew what that meant. What makes it tempting is that I know Mercedes inside and out. Her body and my own speak the same language, to the point that they’re best of friends. There’s no learning curve with her, so I can just meet and have that kind of sex immediately. That’s the temptation. It’s easy to resist when I consider the amount of drama her crazy ass brings, but the temptation's still there.
This post is serving its purpose as I write. I won’t be able to get up and do my rounds for a couple minutes, and I’m already getting motivated to go hunting again. The sex was that amazing, and years of jerking off made me forget just how poor of a substitute it is to the real thing. Let’s hope this translates into more success in my dates. But even if it doesn’t, at least I have the reasons why I’m putting myself through this bullshit. And trust me Ahkenaten, it’s worth it.
P.S.: There’s a hidden agenda in writing this post. After I wrote about my porn addiction back in April, I’ve greatly reduced the amount of porn I watch. I cancelled my only two porn subscriptions with Brazzers and Kink, the only websites I felt deserved my money based on their high production quality. I barely visit XVideos anymore since it seems like the same old stuff over and over again (BBC, Milf, Teen, Yada Yada Yada). My sexual aggression is the same, but now I use memories of past sexual experiences as my porn. Pictures of old ex girlfriends or just random women wearing regular clothes is usually enough to get me going. This post is bringing back a lot of great sexual memories as I wrote it, so I’m betting the memories will continue to resurface with every read. Teeheehee!
I am extremely impressed with this post. Few women have the patience to teach a man how to fuck. That said, few men can let their ego take a back seat so they can learn. (I have tried teaching a few men, and they can't handle it.) You have no idea how lucky and smart you were. And women have been benefiting ever since from Brenda's investment in you!
ReplyDeleteAs for dating, if you are seeking more than just sex I still recommend eHarmony. I pulled my ad a few days ago because I met someone. There is a night and day difference in quality matches between eHarmony and POF (this is from actual experience, as I have used both).
Definitely felt lucky with Brenda, even now. What's crazy is when the situation is reversed. My last girlfriend in NYC, Amy, was awful at sex. She would just lay there like an idiot and I ended up having to do for her what Brenda did for me. Only then did I realize just how much patience is required to teach things like this.
DeleteIf I'm still motivated at the end of August, I'll sign up for eHarmony in September. I was going to ignore your suggestion until you mentioned the term "night and day difference". I don't trust these dating websites anymore, as my next post will confirm. But if there's one that does it right and I'm still in the mood to take this venture seriously, then I wouldn't mind testing the waters out with eHarmony.
Yes, teaching someone how to fuck is really a tough job. This is why I wouldn't want to date a virgin, nor have I ever. It's too bad most hookers act like everything is good already because, if they could be honest instead of going for the quick orgasm, that would create an easy outlet for people to learn.
ReplyDeleteBased on your date 3 post, there are many reasons that I think you will like eHarmony. Not only can you filter by age, education, ethnicity, geography, and income, you also ask many questions in advance before you exchange emails. For example, there is a question regarding how someone feels about being early or late. Apparently you prefer a lady who is early.
If you do join eHarmony, start a Word file to copy and paste your answers into. Lots of people ask the same questions so it is a huge time saver. My file has about 50 answers. Once you write it well once, that's it! And if someone blocks you, you know exactly what you said.
Another thing I liked about eHarmony is if there was ANY reason at all that I didn't feel compatible with someone, I could block him and he wouldn't be able to even view my profile or our messages again after that.
The disadvantage is eHarmony is expensive. I paid for a year on an amazing special ($120/yr) but found someone within 2 months. The quality people looking for more than casual hookups are willing to spend to find quality matches. I didn't exaggerate; it truly is a night and day difference.