So I finally made first contact with a woman, the last one from Podunk in Phase 2. She messaged me with that annoying “Hey how are you” line, and I felt I needed to respond. I told her that I would be deleting my account soon, so she gave me her number. Even though Phase 2 was a failure, it would be nice to gauge how good my conversational skills are after not using them for years. I… ugh. Our exchange was NOT good, and it really showed that I hadn’t talked romantically with someone in a very long time. This is going to be embarrassing. Ok, here we go… the following disgrace of a text conversation took place yesterday between 3:18pm and 4:22pm.
Me: Hey Zoe it’s Ahkenaten from POF. Are you free to talk in about an hour?
Zoe: I can text lol
Me: Hmm… ok. So how’s your experience been with POF so far?
Zoe: Kinda lame lol
Me: A common lament! At least you know why I wanna erase my profile… That’s kinda why I’d rather talk on the phone since I’ve had some very strange experiences. Normal people don’t seem to exist anymore
Zoe: Like what
Zoe: I’m fairly normal I think but then again what does it mean to be “normal?”
Me: I actually have a problem women seem to have. Most women just want to hook up. I feel weird saying that but that’s been my experience. If I wanted to hook up I wouldn’t have to go online dating to do it
Me: For me, normal just means someone I can understand
Zoe: Right. I don’t do hookups. At all.
Me: Hookups were great for me maybe 5 years ago, but I’ve learned my lesson from them…
Me: They get boring and hookups are actually a waste of precious time
Me: So what are you doing now?
Zoe: Hookups make me feel poorly the next day so I avoid them. I am currently in the library doing homework.
Me: I hear you. With me I just find it to be a waste of time. Sooner or later, everything becomes a blur and I can’t distinguish one woman from the last. That gets old
Me: Homework gets old too :)
Zoe: Yeah I’m overwhelmed
Me: Take a break
Zoe: I can’t afford to
Me: I remember your profile saying you’re graduating next year right?
Zoe: Yeah I am.
Me: That’s cool… what are you planning to do?
Zoe: Internship of some sort.
Me: Ok
Me: In what field?
Zoe: Abnormal psychology.
Me: So POF was good training then
Zoe: LOL basically :) :)
Me: Shame… shame… well, maybe things will get better from here on out
Zoe: One can only hope
Me: So when you’re not being swamped with the abnormal what do you do for fun?
Zoe: Lol I read and write for fun. I also enjoy bowling and other recreational games.
Me: Wow it’s been a bit since I’ve bowled, but I remember it being fun
Zoe: I love it lol. How old are you again btw?
Me: The greatest skill is being able to hit a gutter ball when it looks like a strike… I’m a master at that :)
Me: I’m 33
Zoe: Oh ok. I’ll be 23 in September
Me (sent a picture of turkey burgers and fries I had just made): Take a break for some grilled turkey burgers and fries!
Zoe: Did you make those?
Me: Just finished… air-fryed the French fries and George Foremanned the hell out of those turkey burgers!
Zoe: Wow that is amazing.
Me: Not really. I’ll take the credit but the machines do all the work.
Me: When would you be free to talk?
Zoe: Take the credit :) :)
Me: Done
Zoe: Idk. Maybe not until my class is over. It’s cruch time and my workload is CRAZY
Zoe: My class ends Saturday
Me: Oh ok.
Ugh. I must state again that this girl was for practice and I wasn’t taking her seriously as a date or a girlfriend. She’s 22, well below my age requirement of 25 and older. I rated her a 4 out of 10, but she acts like she’s a 9. Look at how hard I’m trying to get something going and she’s giving nothing back. And she lives two hours away, definitely too far for me. Still, I would have liked to have been able to successfully woo her, but I failed. One can blame her for her stale conversational skills and short answers all day long, but the My Fault Philosophy is everywhere. The terrible flow of this conversation (and poor result) is all on me.
I’m rusty. There was a time I’d be able to get her to date me on the same/next day. Now I’m using stupid stock lines like “How was your experience with POF so far”, the same lines idiotic women would do to me. A couple years ago I helped Nino get some dates online. I took over his profile and talked to women for him. He would usually screw it up, but I did it mostly to keep my wits sharp. I didn’t want to lose that swagger and ability to know what to say and when to say it. When he asked me for advice, I told him to make sure that everything he talks about is romantically/sexually related. “Keep her talking. Whatever you talk about, connect it with romance or sex.” Okay, my actually words to him were, “Bring it back to dick”, but it means the same. Take this line for example, where I ask her about her experience on Plenty of Fish:
"Kinda lame lol"
My response should have asked her to elaborate in some way, like something specific as she was trying to do with me. Once she gets through complaining about whatever, I would come in with something like this:
“Well, when we go out, here's where I'm gonna take you...”
See? Simple. I took something mundane and gave it mild romantic/sexual overtones. This is something to work with. It's not too strong, but good enough to keep it out of the friend zone and let her know that I want to date her. I can describe whatever I want on the fictional date that can bring up other sexual topics of conversation. I "brought it back to dick". I mean, look at that conversation. Can one tell that these are two people are romantically interested in one another? If I said that these were two platonic friends talking, what evidence would argue against that? Brother and sister? Hell, uncle and niece?! And who the FUCK sends pictures of turkey burgers and fries as a way to get a girl?? Is she gonna say "Ooh, you make turkey burgers and fries? By yourself?! Well! Let me take off my clothes, drive to your disgusting basement apartment, and let you fuck me because you can grill a burger and use an airfryer!" Fucking idiot. Ugh, how the mighty have fallen...
I don’t plan to talk to Zoe again, but she was useful. I’m not “bringing it back to dick” like I should. I’m not patient enough to let her get out a full thought for me to respond to. I can fix these issues fairly quick. Even as I transcribed this conversation, the words that I should have said were coming back to me. As I stated in the beginning of this dating journey, the old me will take a bit of time to come back. But I’ll get there.
P.S.: A quick note. A woman who vehemently denies that she would do a hook up is usually the EXACT girl who would do a hook up. I've seen it so many times that it's become sort of a running joke. Maybe if I wanted a fuck buddy I would continue conversation with girls like Zoe. But thankfully I'm out of that dead-end market.
Me: Hey Zoe it’s Ahkenaten from POF. Are you free to talk in about an hour?
Zoe: I can text lol
Me: Hmm… ok. So how’s your experience been with POF so far?
Zoe: Kinda lame lol
Me: A common lament! At least you know why I wanna erase my profile… That’s kinda why I’d rather talk on the phone since I’ve had some very strange experiences. Normal people don’t seem to exist anymore
Zoe: Like what
Zoe: I’m fairly normal I think but then again what does it mean to be “normal?”
Me: I actually have a problem women seem to have. Most women just want to hook up. I feel weird saying that but that’s been my experience. If I wanted to hook up I wouldn’t have to go online dating to do it
Me: For me, normal just means someone I can understand
Zoe: Right. I don’t do hookups. At all.
Me: Hookups were great for me maybe 5 years ago, but I’ve learned my lesson from them…
Me: They get boring and hookups are actually a waste of precious time
Me: So what are you doing now?
Zoe: Hookups make me feel poorly the next day so I avoid them. I am currently in the library doing homework.
Me: I hear you. With me I just find it to be a waste of time. Sooner or later, everything becomes a blur and I can’t distinguish one woman from the last. That gets old
Me: Homework gets old too :)
Zoe: Yeah I’m overwhelmed
Me: Take a break
Zoe: I can’t afford to
Me: I remember your profile saying you’re graduating next year right?
Zoe: Yeah I am.
Me: That’s cool… what are you planning to do?
Zoe: Internship of some sort.
Me: Ok
Me: In what field?
Zoe: Abnormal psychology.
Me: So POF was good training then
Zoe: LOL basically :) :)
Me: Shame… shame… well, maybe things will get better from here on out
Zoe: One can only hope
Me: So when you’re not being swamped with the abnormal what do you do for fun?
Zoe: Lol I read and write for fun. I also enjoy bowling and other recreational games.
Me: Wow it’s been a bit since I’ve bowled, but I remember it being fun
Zoe: I love it lol. How old are you again btw?
Me: The greatest skill is being able to hit a gutter ball when it looks like a strike… I’m a master at that :)
Me: I’m 33
Zoe: Oh ok. I’ll be 23 in September
Me (sent a picture of turkey burgers and fries I had just made): Take a break for some grilled turkey burgers and fries!
Zoe: Did you make those?
Me: Just finished… air-fryed the French fries and George Foremanned the hell out of those turkey burgers!
Zoe: Wow that is amazing.
Me: Not really. I’ll take the credit but the machines do all the work.
Me: When would you be free to talk?
Zoe: Take the credit :) :)
Me: Done
Zoe: Idk. Maybe not until my class is over. It’s cruch time and my workload is CRAZY
Zoe: My class ends Saturday
Me: Oh ok.
Ugh. I must state again that this girl was for practice and I wasn’t taking her seriously as a date or a girlfriend. She’s 22, well below my age requirement of 25 and older. I rated her a 4 out of 10, but she acts like she’s a 9. Look at how hard I’m trying to get something going and she’s giving nothing back. And she lives two hours away, definitely too far for me. Still, I would have liked to have been able to successfully woo her, but I failed. One can blame her for her stale conversational skills and short answers all day long, but the My Fault Philosophy is everywhere. The terrible flow of this conversation (and poor result) is all on me.
I’m rusty. There was a time I’d be able to get her to date me on the same/next day. Now I’m using stupid stock lines like “How was your experience with POF so far”, the same lines idiotic women would do to me. A couple years ago I helped Nino get some dates online. I took over his profile and talked to women for him. He would usually screw it up, but I did it mostly to keep my wits sharp. I didn’t want to lose that swagger and ability to know what to say and when to say it. When he asked me for advice, I told him to make sure that everything he talks about is romantically/sexually related. “Keep her talking. Whatever you talk about, connect it with romance or sex.” Okay, my actually words to him were, “Bring it back to dick”, but it means the same. Take this line for example, where I ask her about her experience on Plenty of Fish:
"Kinda lame lol"
My response should have asked her to elaborate in some way, like something specific as she was trying to do with me. Once she gets through complaining about whatever, I would come in with something like this:
“Well, when we go out, here's where I'm gonna take you...”
See? Simple. I took something mundane and gave it mild romantic/sexual overtones. This is something to work with. It's not too strong, but good enough to keep it out of the friend zone and let her know that I want to date her. I can describe whatever I want on the fictional date that can bring up other sexual topics of conversation. I "brought it back to dick". I mean, look at that conversation. Can one tell that these are two people are romantically interested in one another? If I said that these were two platonic friends talking, what evidence would argue against that? Brother and sister? Hell, uncle and niece?! And who the FUCK sends pictures of turkey burgers and fries as a way to get a girl?? Is she gonna say "Ooh, you make turkey burgers and fries? By yourself?! Well! Let me take off my clothes, drive to your disgusting basement apartment, and let you fuck me because you can grill a burger and use an airfryer!" Fucking idiot. Ugh, how the mighty have fallen...
I don’t plan to talk to Zoe again, but she was useful. I’m not “bringing it back to dick” like I should. I’m not patient enough to let her get out a full thought for me to respond to. I can fix these issues fairly quick. Even as I transcribed this conversation, the words that I should have said were coming back to me. As I stated in the beginning of this dating journey, the old me will take a bit of time to come back. But I’ll get there.
P.S.: A quick note. A woman who vehemently denies that she would do a hook up is usually the EXACT girl who would do a hook up. I've seen it so many times that it's become sort of a running joke. Maybe if I wanted a fuck buddy I would continue conversation with girls like Zoe. But thankfully I'm out of that dead-end market.
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