I went down to NYC a few weeks ago for my father Alan’s birthday “party”. Knowing that I was gonna have to see family made me sick, so it felt good to know I had BM (Brooklyn Mike) Shangri-La to go as a safe haven. And trust me, I needed it.
Alan said to be at his place by 4pm and I was right on time. I went to his bedroom and we waited for my sister Ana to show up. By 5pm I texted her and she responded that she was just leaving her apartment. She ended up not coming until 9:30pm, claiming that no one told her it was for 4pm. Ugh! Old habits die hard, I guess. But the big problem was that she’s always the buffer zone, the one who did the talking during family get-togethers. With no Ana, Alan and I were left to talk about the news blaring on the TV… which meant talk about politics, healthcare, and the general downfall of America. By 7:30pm, we got tired of waiting and ate the food his caretaker made for his birthday. I have to admit, things weren’t bad. I played Juju music from my phone and he loved it. Watching his eyes light up and that big smile appear on his face looked cool. The first few hours hanging out with him sucked, but hanging out with him after dinner was nice. Listening to songs from Ebenezer Obey and the great King Sunny Ade was fun, and laughing at the translations were great bonuses. It gave me glimpses into Alan’s life, the one that he kept shielded for so long.
After Alan, I decided to stop by my mom Anita’s place. I knew I had to go over there eventually to apologize. A week before the trip, she called me to ask how I was handling the snowstorm. It ended with me biting her head off about her bothering me about getting married… which she never brought up. After I apologized she started talking about family gossip. She talked about Alex, and how she gets the feeling that he and Pam are separated. About how Ana is still immature. And, of course, she finally complained about how I’m still unmarried. I learned my lesson and just shut the fuck up, waiting for the rambling to pass. Afterwards I went to BM Shangri-La and enjoyed some crappy Chinese food, video games, and watched episodes of Star Trek Enterprise for the first time.
Being at Alan’s “party” was surreal. I don’t think I’d ever spent so much time alone with him in my life. A part of me wishes we’d been closer, so I could find out what he was like in his younger years. Like, what was it like moving from Nigeria to America? How did he and my mom meet? Was she always… Anita? What were his parents like? Did I ever meet my grandparents? What was it like trying to be a father and a husband while working taxi/security jobs and going to school full-time? In general, what was he like as a teenager, what was Anita like, and how were we all similar? I’d probably ask them both these questions, but those times are long gone.
It would be too late for those answers to meaningfully affect what's left of my life. There's nothing they can really do for me anymore, and nothing I need from them. And so I placate my parents on these visits, telling them what they want to hear. I know they're too old to change, so it only matters that it makes everyone's lives easier. Hell, that's why I still do LFS. According to my parents, I'll be graduating with my Masters at the end of 2017, after which I'll be a full time teacher. That'll keep them somewhat happy, which will keep them off my back. This birthday visit was one that I won't forget anytime soon. I spent so much time with Alan all by myself, and it was nothing like I thought it'd be. I really began to understand their obsession with legacy. To work as hard as they did just to have the Kor name die out with no one in the US remaining seems... seems like such a waste. Anyway, this visit made me think there's a chance that I might visit them on regular days just for the hell of it. Who knows what else I might learn about these two?
P.S.: I'm going back to Brooklyn on Thursday for some much deserved relax time at BMS (Brooklyn Mike's Shangri-La). Maybe I'll stop by Alan's to say hi in between afternoon naps, crappy food, and video games.
Alan said to be at his place by 4pm and I was right on time. I went to his bedroom and we waited for my sister Ana to show up. By 5pm I texted her and she responded that she was just leaving her apartment. She ended up not coming until 9:30pm, claiming that no one told her it was for 4pm. Ugh! Old habits die hard, I guess. But the big problem was that she’s always the buffer zone, the one who did the talking during family get-togethers. With no Ana, Alan and I were left to talk about the news blaring on the TV… which meant talk about politics, healthcare, and the general downfall of America. By 7:30pm, we got tired of waiting and ate the food his caretaker made for his birthday. I have to admit, things weren’t bad. I played Juju music from my phone and he loved it. Watching his eyes light up and that big smile appear on his face looked cool. The first few hours hanging out with him sucked, but hanging out with him after dinner was nice. Listening to songs from Ebenezer Obey and the great King Sunny Ade was fun, and laughing at the translations were great bonuses. It gave me glimpses into Alan’s life, the one that he kept shielded for so long.
After Alan, I decided to stop by my mom Anita’s place. I knew I had to go over there eventually to apologize. A week before the trip, she called me to ask how I was handling the snowstorm. It ended with me biting her head off about her bothering me about getting married… which she never brought up. After I apologized she started talking about family gossip. She talked about Alex, and how she gets the feeling that he and Pam are separated. About how Ana is still immature. And, of course, she finally complained about how I’m still unmarried. I learned my lesson and just shut the fuck up, waiting for the rambling to pass. Afterwards I went to BM Shangri-La and enjoyed some crappy Chinese food, video games, and watched episodes of Star Trek Enterprise for the first time.
Being at Alan’s “party” was surreal. I don’t think I’d ever spent so much time alone with him in my life. A part of me wishes we’d been closer, so I could find out what he was like in his younger years. Like, what was it like moving from Nigeria to America? How did he and my mom meet? Was she always… Anita? What were his parents like? Did I ever meet my grandparents? What was it like trying to be a father and a husband while working taxi/security jobs and going to school full-time? In general, what was he like as a teenager, what was Anita like, and how were we all similar? I’d probably ask them both these questions, but those times are long gone.
It would be too late for those answers to meaningfully affect what's left of my life. There's nothing they can really do for me anymore, and nothing I need from them. And so I placate my parents on these visits, telling them what they want to hear. I know they're too old to change, so it only matters that it makes everyone's lives easier. Hell, that's why I still do LFS. According to my parents, I'll be graduating with my Masters at the end of 2017, after which I'll be a full time teacher. That'll keep them somewhat happy, which will keep them off my back. This birthday visit was one that I won't forget anytime soon. I spent so much time with Alan all by myself, and it was nothing like I thought it'd be. I really began to understand their obsession with legacy. To work as hard as they did just to have the Kor name die out with no one in the US remaining seems... seems like such a waste. Anyway, this visit made me think there's a chance that I might visit them on regular days just for the hell of it. Who knows what else I might learn about these two?
P.S.: I'm going back to Brooklyn on Thursday for some much deserved relax time at BMS (Brooklyn Mike's Shangri-La). Maybe I'll stop by Alan's to say hi in between afternoon naps, crappy food, and video games.
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