One
of the things that made this peak season go by quickly is my
entertainment choices. I decided to get the entire series of A&E’s
Intervention. I was a big fan of the series during college, and I
think I know why… Schadenfreude.
Schadenfreude
is the more popular/fancy term to describe the joyous feeling one
gets from witnessing someone’s pain. I learned this about myself
back when I graduated college. I sat there unemployed with a useless
Liberal Arts degree for 6 long months. Months of going to job
interview after job interview only to be rejected time and time
again. I got so miserable and fell into a depression where I wouldn’t
get out of bed. I’d lay there and jerk off or waste away, even to
the point where I would rather piss in a jar than to get up and walk
10 feet to the bathroom. One of the only joys I got was watching
Maury Povich or Jerry Springer or Divorce court. Anything that showed
people that looked more miserable than me made me feel good, and it
made sense. These shows are usually on at the times when their
audiences are people who’re unemployed. It only makes sense to show
a woman testing 5 men to see who the father of her baby is during a
time when ambition-less and jobless people are watching.
It made them feel good like it did me, but not good enough to
actually get up look for a job. But definitely good enough to be set
up for those Apex and DeVry commercials that would broadcast between
show segments. It’s a brilliant ploy and it kept me down for a good
while.
Now
it’s a different story. I still get the strange pleasure of
watching people suffer, but it doesn’t keep me down. I watch it
while I’m at work, on a path towards retirement. I haven’t needed
emotional crutches in a long time, and I can finally enjoy my
Schadenfreude without the depression that used to come with it. I
will sometimes use episodes as a reference for my addictions, like
certain foods or behavioral patterns that I deem unhealthy. There
will always be that Schadenfreude, but it’s all the better if I can
learn something from it.
A BDSM relationship would allow you to get laid while causing consensual pain. Have you ever considered or tried this?
ReplyDeleteI've actually never thought of this. From what I believe BDSM to be, it's always freaked me out... especially that leather. And I don't think I like inflicting/receiving pain sexually, but I've never tried it so I can't say for sure. To best describe the "pain", I'll use this anecdote:
ReplyDeleteOne day Nino and I were talking. I was bitching to him about a situation I was going through and noticed that he seemed to be enjoying it.
Me: You're enjoying this, aren't you? I've noticed that you really seem to enjoy it when I go through shit like this!
Nino: Well that's true, but not this time. You're not suffering enough for me to actually enjoy it.
I remember us laughing about that statement for almost half an hour, mostly because it was funny and true. His honesty is one of the reasons why I consider him a friend. I admitted to him that I felt the same way when he confided in me that he may have gotten his then-girlfriend pregnant. For some reason, his fear of being tied to a woman he couldn't stand for the rest of his life made me feel good about myself. That's about the best way I can describe my Schadenfreude.
So as much as I don't think BDSM would be right for me, I can't completely discount it. After all, I remember how turned on I was after watching the great movie "Secretary", so I guess anything's possible.