At the bank job working overtime for that sweet holiday pay. I figure this is as good a time as any to publish the posts that have been swirling around in my head. Let’s start with the family situation. I don’t quite know how to write this, so I’m gonna try explaining everything based on the person and my relation to them. Hope this works:
Alan
My father Alan apparently had his second stroke. He had a stroke about a month ago, and then had another less than 48 after returning from rehabilitation. I went over there to see him with the tube in his mouth and all… it wasn’t pretty. The place itself, Brookdale hospital, sucks ass. Decent doctors but Haitian nurses with attitude problems and old equipment. Everyone that was a helper was of color while all the doctors were Jewish or Indian. Seriously, it looked so messed up that they couldn't find any Haitian or African doctors to balance out the race/status ratios. After this stint in the hospital, I doubt he’s gonna be the same as he was before. My mom had me speak to him a couple weeks ago, and he was rambling on and on about nothing. It was like he was talking to himself and would say “amen” over and over again. That was kinda sad, as I honestly didn't expect his life to turn out like this.
Anita
This blasted woman. My mom Anita was pissed off because one of the people caring for my dad, Hilda, listed herself as his cousin. What she failed to mention was that Alan told the doctors Hilda was his cousin, most likely because she was taking care of him and he didn’t want the hospital to exclude her when it came to updates. Anita knew this. She had me drive up there thinking some strangers were trying to kill him, but it turns out that she was just angry that non-family members were taking care of Alan. She had a sit-down with his pastor and her arguments were just idiotic and non-sensical. After the sit-down I scolded her for wasting my time, letting her know that if she wants family to take care of Alan, she can’t disrespect the church people who have been doing it for years (for free, by the way).
If she wants there to be a transition of care from church members to family members, she first has to find the right family members that will treat him well. Then she has to thank the people for the thankless job they’ve been doing, as well as get historical info on how he’s been doing and what they’ve been doing for him. Anita puffing her chest and threatening to get people to beat up Hilda was just embarrassing, and I let her know that. Her problem is family, not Hilda, and that brings me to Ana…
Ana
My sister Ana is… I don’t know what word describes her, but it isn’t a good one. While calming Hilda down on the phone, she let me know that Ana has been very rude to her for no reason. Alan’s pastor said the same thing. So does Anita. So does anyone else that meets her. For some reason, and I know this reason, Ana likes to be a selfish jerk to everyone. Now, there’s nothing wrong with being a selfish jerk. Saying otherwise would make me a hypocrite. But she’s rude to my mom and then asks for money to help pay her rent. She’s rude to my dad even though he allowed her to stay at his place rent free when she got kicked out of her place. Why be a jerk to people that are trying to help you? Even Blanche Dubois was nice to people who helped her out, even though she was a psycho. The ideal situation would be for her to move in with Alan and take care of him. Alan gets a family member who will be there, and Ana gets to be in a place that’s rent free which would allow her to save up money to get back on her feet. Unfortunately, "Ana" and the word “ideal” are almost never in the same sentence.
Ana needs help. I practically yelled at my mom for helping Ana pay back rent. How is she gonna change when she has that safety net to encourage her recklessness. My brother Alex and I joked that Ana needs a show like Intervention, but that’s almost exactly what she needs. He also told me that he doesn’t want to see her on the streets, and that’s why he wants to do what he can to help her. Anita said the same thing. Unfortunately, I’m a different kind of person. You see, I think I already know what her problem is. She’s had a hard time dealing with stuff in the past, stuff that no one knows about except me. When I was a kid I found a little white book with flowers on the top shelf in our bedroom, and it turned out to be Ana’s diary. Obviously I won’t go into detail, but she and I have VERY similar experiences as kids. But a situation like that can’t be helped from the outside. The only person that can help Ana is Ana. Everything else is a waste of breath, time, and money. I mean, she’s 41 years old for god’s sake. So I plan to talk to her sometime this week to let her know that something’s gotta give with the Alan situation. If she chooses not to listen or is rude to me in any way, then she and I are done. No birthday calls. No Thanksgiving dinners. Nothing. If I have to take time off work and drive for hours just to do something that she can easily do in a half hour, then she’s negatively impacting my life. And that means, family or no, she has to go. No one gets to do that to me.
Alex
Alex and I will probably have to get the situation under control, and Anita and Ana are representing our family terribly in this situation. I actually feel bad that the church people have had to deal with Anita and Ana. Alex is going to set up a conference call for next week while I try to get everyone on the same page. Yeah, I know. When something like me is in the role of “peace keeper”, it’s really a fucked up situation. Hopefully after the conference call, there’ll be a good plan for Alan’s care. Alex told me something that relaly pissed me off. When he found out that Alan was in the hospital again, his wife Pamela offered to send her uncle (who lives in the Tri-state area) to go and visit him. Her uncle. This man speaks 100% Chinese and 0% English, yet he was willing to go just for support because “that’s what families do”. My sister is Alan’s daughter, speaks perfect English, but she’s too busy doing nothing. Ugh! That Pamela Kor though. I get the feeling that she’s gonna be a bigger part of the future of the Kor family than I had first suspected. And, as far as first impressions go, thank the fuck…
Church People
I spoke with Hilda and thanked her for all her help. I let her vent about how she won’t tolerate being disrespected by Anita when she’s simply trying to help someone who’s not being helped by his family. Alan’s pastor was actually pretty cool and level headed. The guy that I was gonna stab at Thanksgiving was also there, and he calmly explained to me why he was so frustrated. Whether we can work something out with them or we can find a family member to take care of Alan, one thing stands true: these guys are not the bad guys.
Me
I… I’m obviously frustrated with this whole situation. I’m pissed at Alan for having a shitty retirement plan, and yet waved money in my face when I was leaving to start business in Smalltown. I’m pissed that he’s had a pattern of trusting outsiders rather than family members… a pattern that he passed on to his kids and that is now creating his current predicament. I’m pissed at Anita for handling this situation like a child, screaming and threatening in a situation that requires a level head and sound judgment. I’m pissed at Ana for… for being Ana. I was right in my last post, where I stated that the world would be a better place if adults acted like adults. But that rarely ever happens.
Right now, the plan is to have the conference call next weekend with everyone. Alan had planned to sell his house for 400K, which would leave him with a little over 200K profits after taxes and mortgage payoff. The 200K would be enough for him to live out his days in Nigeria with family and friends that are familiar to him. My plan would be for someone in our family to take care of him while his church friends continue to come by and help out, but not as much as they were helping before because that’s not fair to them. Once the house is sold, Anita takes him back to Nigeria and sets him up with friends he can trust. The 200K is kept by someone trustworthy, probably with Anita or Alex, and is used to pay for his needs. The costs of living is decent in Nigeria, so I’m guessing he’ll need around $20,000 a year for living expenses, sans the cost of medicines which his insurance should still be able to cover. That’s the best plan I can think of.
And that’s that. I used to hate writing about family, but this was a good post. I’m really able to see past my anger and look at what’s needed to remedy this situation. Family posts still give me a headache to read, but at least I can learn something from them.
P.S.: While I was gone, my bank job boss Eddie did all my rounds. I still signed in that I was there, but he did my rounds for me to make it look legit. That was extremely cool of him, but it had more to do with the paperwork involved with me taking time off on such short notice. His laziness continues to pay off for me. When I got back, I paid him $100 for "watching my back". I'll be damned if I'm gonna owe him one.
Alan
My father Alan apparently had his second stroke. He had a stroke about a month ago, and then had another less than 48 after returning from rehabilitation. I went over there to see him with the tube in his mouth and all… it wasn’t pretty. The place itself, Brookdale hospital, sucks ass. Decent doctors but Haitian nurses with attitude problems and old equipment. Everyone that was a helper was of color while all the doctors were Jewish or Indian. Seriously, it looked so messed up that they couldn't find any Haitian or African doctors to balance out the race/status ratios. After this stint in the hospital, I doubt he’s gonna be the same as he was before. My mom had me speak to him a couple weeks ago, and he was rambling on and on about nothing. It was like he was talking to himself and would say “amen” over and over again. That was kinda sad, as I honestly didn't expect his life to turn out like this.
Anita
This blasted woman. My mom Anita was pissed off because one of the people caring for my dad, Hilda, listed herself as his cousin. What she failed to mention was that Alan told the doctors Hilda was his cousin, most likely because she was taking care of him and he didn’t want the hospital to exclude her when it came to updates. Anita knew this. She had me drive up there thinking some strangers were trying to kill him, but it turns out that she was just angry that non-family members were taking care of Alan. She had a sit-down with his pastor and her arguments were just idiotic and non-sensical. After the sit-down I scolded her for wasting my time, letting her know that if she wants family to take care of Alan, she can’t disrespect the church people who have been doing it for years (for free, by the way).
If she wants there to be a transition of care from church members to family members, she first has to find the right family members that will treat him well. Then she has to thank the people for the thankless job they’ve been doing, as well as get historical info on how he’s been doing and what they’ve been doing for him. Anita puffing her chest and threatening to get people to beat up Hilda was just embarrassing, and I let her know that. Her problem is family, not Hilda, and that brings me to Ana…
Ana
My sister Ana is… I don’t know what word describes her, but it isn’t a good one. While calming Hilda down on the phone, she let me know that Ana has been very rude to her for no reason. Alan’s pastor said the same thing. So does Anita. So does anyone else that meets her. For some reason, and I know this reason, Ana likes to be a selfish jerk to everyone. Now, there’s nothing wrong with being a selfish jerk. Saying otherwise would make me a hypocrite. But she’s rude to my mom and then asks for money to help pay her rent. She’s rude to my dad even though he allowed her to stay at his place rent free when she got kicked out of her place. Why be a jerk to people that are trying to help you? Even Blanche Dubois was nice to people who helped her out, even though she was a psycho. The ideal situation would be for her to move in with Alan and take care of him. Alan gets a family member who will be there, and Ana gets to be in a place that’s rent free which would allow her to save up money to get back on her feet. Unfortunately, "Ana" and the word “ideal” are almost never in the same sentence.
Ana needs help. I practically yelled at my mom for helping Ana pay back rent. How is she gonna change when she has that safety net to encourage her recklessness. My brother Alex and I joked that Ana needs a show like Intervention, but that’s almost exactly what she needs. He also told me that he doesn’t want to see her on the streets, and that’s why he wants to do what he can to help her. Anita said the same thing. Unfortunately, I’m a different kind of person. You see, I think I already know what her problem is. She’s had a hard time dealing with stuff in the past, stuff that no one knows about except me. When I was a kid I found a little white book with flowers on the top shelf in our bedroom, and it turned out to be Ana’s diary. Obviously I won’t go into detail, but she and I have VERY similar experiences as kids. But a situation like that can’t be helped from the outside. The only person that can help Ana is Ana. Everything else is a waste of breath, time, and money. I mean, she’s 41 years old for god’s sake. So I plan to talk to her sometime this week to let her know that something’s gotta give with the Alan situation. If she chooses not to listen or is rude to me in any way, then she and I are done. No birthday calls. No Thanksgiving dinners. Nothing. If I have to take time off work and drive for hours just to do something that she can easily do in a half hour, then she’s negatively impacting my life. And that means, family or no, she has to go. No one gets to do that to me.
Alex
Alex and I will probably have to get the situation under control, and Anita and Ana are representing our family terribly in this situation. I actually feel bad that the church people have had to deal with Anita and Ana. Alex is going to set up a conference call for next week while I try to get everyone on the same page. Yeah, I know. When something like me is in the role of “peace keeper”, it’s really a fucked up situation. Hopefully after the conference call, there’ll be a good plan for Alan’s care. Alex told me something that relaly pissed me off. When he found out that Alan was in the hospital again, his wife Pamela offered to send her uncle (who lives in the Tri-state area) to go and visit him. Her uncle. This man speaks 100% Chinese and 0% English, yet he was willing to go just for support because “that’s what families do”. My sister is Alan’s daughter, speaks perfect English, but she’s too busy doing nothing. Ugh! That Pamela Kor though. I get the feeling that she’s gonna be a bigger part of the future of the Kor family than I had first suspected. And, as far as first impressions go, thank the fuck…
Church People
I spoke with Hilda and thanked her for all her help. I let her vent about how she won’t tolerate being disrespected by Anita when she’s simply trying to help someone who’s not being helped by his family. Alan’s pastor was actually pretty cool and level headed. The guy that I was gonna stab at Thanksgiving was also there, and he calmly explained to me why he was so frustrated. Whether we can work something out with them or we can find a family member to take care of Alan, one thing stands true: these guys are not the bad guys.
Me
I… I’m obviously frustrated with this whole situation. I’m pissed at Alan for having a shitty retirement plan, and yet waved money in my face when I was leaving to start business in Smalltown. I’m pissed that he’s had a pattern of trusting outsiders rather than family members… a pattern that he passed on to his kids and that is now creating his current predicament. I’m pissed at Anita for handling this situation like a child, screaming and threatening in a situation that requires a level head and sound judgment. I’m pissed at Ana for… for being Ana. I was right in my last post, where I stated that the world would be a better place if adults acted like adults. But that rarely ever happens.
Right now, the plan is to have the conference call next weekend with everyone. Alan had planned to sell his house for 400K, which would leave him with a little over 200K profits after taxes and mortgage payoff. The 200K would be enough for him to live out his days in Nigeria with family and friends that are familiar to him. My plan would be for someone in our family to take care of him while his church friends continue to come by and help out, but not as much as they were helping before because that’s not fair to them. Once the house is sold, Anita takes him back to Nigeria and sets him up with friends he can trust. The 200K is kept by someone trustworthy, probably with Anita or Alex, and is used to pay for his needs. The costs of living is decent in Nigeria, so I’m guessing he’ll need around $20,000 a year for living expenses, sans the cost of medicines which his insurance should still be able to cover. That’s the best plan I can think of.
And that’s that. I used to hate writing about family, but this was a good post. I’m really able to see past my anger and look at what’s needed to remedy this situation. Family posts still give me a headache to read, but at least I can learn something from them.
P.S.: While I was gone, my bank job boss Eddie did all my rounds. I still signed in that I was there, but he did my rounds for me to make it look legit. That was extremely cool of him, but it had more to do with the paperwork involved with me taking time off on such short notice. His laziness continues to pay off for me. When I got back, I paid him $100 for "watching my back". I'll be damned if I'm gonna owe him one.
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