July 2015 Dinner with Damon

Last night was my dinner with Damon. He went on a trip to his native Philippines in June, and asked me to check in on his new property. He hired a couple of handymen to renovate the bathroom while he was gone. I agreed to do this, partly because I hoped to get enough pictures of the handymen to start another Ass-Crack game with Sam. However, I let Damon know that I had no faith in them doing the job, as I’ve learned that while the cat’s away, the mice will play:

Small sized bathroom with the toilet removed

Stand up shower

Small sized bathroom with the toilet removed... 9 days later

Stand up shower... 9 days later

As I expected, the handymen did absolutely nothing. Damon said that, when he approached the handymen about why things didn’t get done, they said that one of them has a broken hand. This would have been a good excuse if I hadn’t heard it a thousand times before. Damon’s lucky that none of the materials were stolen while he was gone. This is why I made the choice to move to Smalltown instead of managing my properties from Brooklyn.

Handymen are like children, and they have to see the owner/landlord/property manager all the time, or at least know that he or she is close by. The second they know the owner is on vacation, they start coming up with reasons not to do the job. It’s like when there’s a substitute teacher in the classroom, you know? And it happens most of the time, even with the bigger companies. If an owner isn’t there, it looks as if he/she doesn’t care. In the deranged mind of the handyman, he’ll say “Well if they don’t care, why should I?” This exact situation is the reason why I try to meet my handyman at a property whenever there’s a problem. When I retire this will be much easier to do.

We then had a bit of a “Eureka” moment when discussing the dumb stuff handymen say. When looking for someone new for the property renovation, Damon noticed that the bad ones usually sound exactly the same. I then blurted this out:

“Look man. The second I hear the word ‘violation’ they’re out the door. It doesn’t matter if it’s a prospective tenant or a handyman. If I didn’t mention it and the job has nothing to do with it, that word should never be spoken.”

Those weren't the exact words, but that was the gist of it. We looked at each other and realized that my statement was 100% true. In all of our experiences, contractors and handymen who waste time talking about code violations turn out to suck. And when prospective tenants mention it… ugh, forget it! If you’re not a code enforcement officer, keep your mouth shut about violations. We both wrote that down on our phones, and I’m transferring it here as a reminder.

The rest of the dinner was Damon talking about prostitutes he and his brothers visited while in the Philippines and Thailand. Once he started talking about the gay stuff, I focused on shoveling that buffet food down my throat and ending the dinner before it got too graphic. And that was that.

P.S.: Damon still attends the IC (Investor’s Club) meetings, but there was nothing new to report. I swear, they talk about the same stuff over and over again. Thank goodness I ended my membership, although I still get the meeting notices. If they finally talk about something new, I’ll attend.