Nikita Simone and Ambition

There was one attribute for my future girlfriend that I didn’t add to my Characterizing Ms. Right post, and that’s because it’s fairly new. The last woman I dated was in December of 2013, a woman I called Nikita Simone.

 

I'll only show a face if she's a public figure, or if I have nothing bad to say

She was gorgeous, a former model, vice president of a national company headquartered in NYC, and came from a family of investors. On the surface, it seemed like the perfect match. I especially liked how aggressive she was when it came to what she wanted. But after the first date, I realized that she and I would never work as a couple. She had a few flaws that I simply couldn’t overlook:

Flaw #1

She mentioned on multiple occasions that her ex ran for political office in NYC, and that he still likes her. This was told to me on the first date. By the tone of her voice, I could tell she said this to let me know that she can get a prestigious man. She also mentioned that she is used to being treated a certain way and was asking for me to do things like open the door for her and whatever. Being a gentleman is something I do very well, so I didn’t need for her to tell me these things. What’s more is that I saw a massive amount of insecurity. If you have to bring up past relationships to show your worth, it means that you don’t believe you’re good enough. You also shouldn’t have say “I’m used to being treated this way”. Just be yourself, and a man should automatically know how to treat you. If he doesn’t, then move on to the next one. But saying all these things just turned me off to her. A woman will always be insecure about something. It’s only human. But when her insecurities are so large that a guy like me can notice it within 15 minutes, it’s just too much. Despite her money and success, she was too weak for me. And, just for the record, telling a man who believes he's the greatest being in existence about your ex boyfriend in hopes of competition is just a waste of time. I have no competition. Period.

Flaw #2

There’s a dating rule that just about everyone knows. It’s a pretty big one, and one that I’ve known about since I was a kid. That rule is this: If you’re gonna start dating, for god’s sake do NOT be an African American male. This dark skin of mine is hated the world over, and it makes women automatically treat me a certain way. From the dirty looks women give me when I walk by them to the dismissive attitude I’d encounter when I first started going to the clubs, it’s a staple of race relations that is generally accepted. While it was a pain in the ass to go through, I’ve learned how to push that aside and get dates from any race. The way I carry myself will usually force a woman to drop her guard and whatever pre-conceived notions she has about me. It’s the reason why I’m 100% when it comes to first dates, so it’s a non-issue with me. But sometimes my “performance” isn’t enough, a case that was true with Nikita Simone. 

She started giving me suggestions for how I should dress when I go out and tried to baby me. Caring for your man is one thing, but this was closer to emasculation than advice. She was also trying to get me to come back to NYC and live with her (yes, after the FIRST goddamned date) while I look for a job here. Me? A “houseboy”? With her as my "mammy"? Let's say I got with her, okay? That's one woman who tries to mother me. She has a mother, so that';s Mom #2. And finally there's my mom Anita, making it THREE moms I'd have to deal with. Ugh, no thanks. You know, African American women complain that there are no real African American men out there but, when they finally get one, they try to treat them like boys. They really believe that all African American men need to be told how to do simple things and it’s… it’s really pathetic. If you only know how to deal with boys then stay with the boys. I see a lot of them out there who are "lost without a woman" or someone telling them what to do. But I live in a man's world. A real man can’t be “babied”. I watched her say these things and didn’t respond too much. By then, I already knew we wouldn’t work out so I saw no reason to educate her.

Even though I knew it wasn’t going to work out, there was something she said that made me reconsider. My external hard drive broke last year, and it’s where I saved all my correspondence with women. But thankfully she sent me a few emails, and in one of them was this thought:

“You’ve been doing it on your own for a long time now. Don’t you think it’s better to have someone watch your back and help? You help me and I help you! We watch one another’s backs and become a force to be reckoned with!!!! :)”

I have to admit, I liked her idea. Two business minded people looking out for each other as they climb the ladder of success together. And, in between business deals, some great sex. Oooh I really liked that idea, and I still do. So I’m going to add ambition as one of the attributes I’m looking for in the girlfriend. It’s too sexy a thought to dismiss. Even though I couldn’t have it with Nikita Simone, I think can find it in other women if I look hard enough.