Ugh, I have at least 6 posts to write and only about 4 hours to write
them. I can barely focus on writing because of all my head issues. There’s been
this pressure in my head and I have a hard time concentrating on a
single… subject. For example, I started writing this post at 7:44am Tuesday. My
head started to hurt so I stopped writing for about an hour. Then I
stared off into space and starting talking to myself and got sidetracked with other stuff. I started writing again the next day, but my head was throbbing so I had to stop. It’s now Saturday, and I'm at Brooklyn Mike's new apartment in NYC. I feel a
bit better, so let’s see how much I can get through. Since this is the last day before 2017, I'd like to get as much done as possible.
Hmm. I dunno how to write this. Okay, I’ll make this two topics in one.
I read over my posts the other day, and I came to a conclusion. I don’t like writing about my health issues anymore on this blog. It just… it doesn’t make sense that I write about recurring health issues that I don’t plan to do anything about as they get worse and worse. The only way I’ll write about a health issue is if it’s new or relates to a post topic. Take my vertigo attacks for example. The Off Balance post was a perfect example of me bitching about something I plan to do nothing about. There are, however, a couple of good things about vertigo. For one, it stopped me from going out looking for hookers. The attacks usually happen at night, so I really don’t want to be driving at that time. But the coolest thing about vertigo? Check this out...
Vertigo attacks suck, and they make me sick and disoriented. During one of these attacks, I decided to jerk off. I don’t have a reason why… I just didn’t want to go through the same painful routine again. Once I had the orgasm, it was… unbelievable! In my entire life, I never had one that combined both extreme pleasure and disorienting pain equally. NEVER! I dropped onto the bed and writhed around a bit. My eyes were open the whole time, and I could see all these crazy little fluorescent spots while trying to get my head together. Once it was finally over, I was addicted. Anytime I felt an attack coming, I’d start whacking away and it would be amazing. It made me start thinking about dating again. I mean, if I can have that type of orgasm through average masturbation, imagine how mind-blowing it would be??!! So I decided to start a dating profile, and that leads to Part 2 of this post.
Half-Assed Dating
I put up a profile and started messaging. One girl responded, and it went like this:
Me: Hey what’s up? I’m Ahkenaten… how are the holidays treating you?
Uninterested Broad: Hi Ahkenaten
Me: Hey… I’m just chilling here with some friends enjoying the holidays. What are you up to?
Uninterested Broad: I was sleep
Now look, I know she wasn’t interested. But there was a time when responses like hers would make me go at her harder. I’d put on the charm, say whatever I need to, and get her to keep talking until she agreed to go out with me. Those contests I used to have with Sam back in my college days were classics, where we'd bet on how many phone numbers we could get from girls as we rode the train to class. We'd go through each car hitting on women, and I remembered how much fun it was to get a broad like this. I would keep chipping at her defenses until I broke that shit down and, once I'd get her number and take her out, the victory sex was some of the best ever. But now? After all these years of isolation, I truly am a shell of what I used to be. Need more evidence? Here’s a conversation with another girl, and this one messaged me:
Woman: Hello…
Me: Hey what’s up? How’s life treating you?
Woman: I’m doing well… u?
Me: I’m going through one of those sleepless nights after a long work day. That’s why I’m up late… how about you?
Woman: I’m restless as well…
Me: Sorry to hear that… maybe we’re both supposed to be up at this time tonight ;-) . What do you usually do to get (s)ome sleep?
Woman: Go to sleep… lol
Me: Lol… well, I prefer doing whatever it takes. Even if it means talking to a beautiful woman until I pass out. I’m sure you won’t mind! What do you do for fun when you’re not having a restless night?
Woman: I think I’ll pass on being your masturbation partner…………. Not happening
I was confused. I mean, I honestly didn’t understand how she inferred perversion when I was just asking what she does for fun. I read it back again and… oh the fucking shame. I sounded like such a fucking creep. I felt so embarrassed at just how far down my ability to talk to women has gone. "How's life treating you?" Ugh! Helena looked at my profile and started giving me pointers, from my horrible picture-taking to the types of phrases I used. As she rattled on about all the things I needed to do, I got annoyed. And then I got angry. And now… I’m just as uninterested as the first broad.
I’ve got a long way to go to get back to who I was, and I’m just not feeling the urgency. The thought of going through all this crap just to get some broad… my main priorities are still real estate and stocks. If it’s not those two topics, I’m not going to put much effort into anything else… even if it would lead to the best orgasms ever. I can handle the rejection but I can’t motivate myself to put in the work to get these broads. I’m gonna keep my profile up but I’m not gonna try hard or anything. If I get lucky, great. If not… whatever. When I’m ready to take this seriously, I’m sure I can get back to who I used to be. In the meanwhile, I'll compensate with my new hobby.
P.S.: As I look continue this online dating thing, it's becoming clear that I have much better luck in person. I'll always be better in person than on a dating site. I get the feeling that, once I'm retired from paycheck work and can actually go places, I won't have any problems. It should be just like riding a bike.
Hmm. I dunno how to write this. Okay, I’ll make this two topics in one.
I read over my posts the other day, and I came to a conclusion. I don’t like writing about my health issues anymore on this blog. It just… it doesn’t make sense that I write about recurring health issues that I don’t plan to do anything about as they get worse and worse. The only way I’ll write about a health issue is if it’s new or relates to a post topic. Take my vertigo attacks for example. The Off Balance post was a perfect example of me bitching about something I plan to do nothing about. There are, however, a couple of good things about vertigo. For one, it stopped me from going out looking for hookers. The attacks usually happen at night, so I really don’t want to be driving at that time. But the coolest thing about vertigo? Check this out...
Vertigo attacks suck, and they make me sick and disoriented. During one of these attacks, I decided to jerk off. I don’t have a reason why… I just didn’t want to go through the same painful routine again. Once I had the orgasm, it was… unbelievable! In my entire life, I never had one that combined both extreme pleasure and disorienting pain equally. NEVER! I dropped onto the bed and writhed around a bit. My eyes were open the whole time, and I could see all these crazy little fluorescent spots while trying to get my head together. Once it was finally over, I was addicted. Anytime I felt an attack coming, I’d start whacking away and it would be amazing. It made me start thinking about dating again. I mean, if I can have that type of orgasm through average masturbation, imagine how mind-blowing it would be??!! So I decided to start a dating profile, and that leads to Part 2 of this post.
Half-Assed Dating
I put up a profile and started messaging. One girl responded, and it went like this:
Me: Hey what’s up? I’m Ahkenaten… how are the holidays treating you?
Uninterested Broad: Hi Ahkenaten
Me: Hey… I’m just chilling here with some friends enjoying the holidays. What are you up to?
Uninterested Broad: I was sleep
Now look, I know she wasn’t interested. But there was a time when responses like hers would make me go at her harder. I’d put on the charm, say whatever I need to, and get her to keep talking until she agreed to go out with me. Those contests I used to have with Sam back in my college days were classics, where we'd bet on how many phone numbers we could get from girls as we rode the train to class. We'd go through each car hitting on women, and I remembered how much fun it was to get a broad like this. I would keep chipping at her defenses until I broke that shit down and, once I'd get her number and take her out, the victory sex was some of the best ever. But now? After all these years of isolation, I truly am a shell of what I used to be. Need more evidence? Here’s a conversation with another girl, and this one messaged me:
Woman: Hello…
Me: Hey what’s up? How’s life treating you?
Woman: I’m doing well… u?
Me: I’m going through one of those sleepless nights after a long work day. That’s why I’m up late… how about you?
Woman: I’m restless as well…
Me: Sorry to hear that… maybe we’re both supposed to be up at this time tonight ;-) . What do you usually do to get (s)ome sleep?
Woman: Go to sleep… lol
Me: Lol… well, I prefer doing whatever it takes. Even if it means talking to a beautiful woman until I pass out. I’m sure you won’t mind! What do you do for fun when you’re not having a restless night?
Woman: I think I’ll pass on being your masturbation partner…………. Not happening
I was confused. I mean, I honestly didn’t understand how she inferred perversion when I was just asking what she does for fun. I read it back again and… oh the fucking shame. I sounded like such a fucking creep. I felt so embarrassed at just how far down my ability to talk to women has gone. "How's life treating you?" Ugh! Helena looked at my profile and started giving me pointers, from my horrible picture-taking to the types of phrases I used. As she rattled on about all the things I needed to do, I got annoyed. And then I got angry. And now… I’m just as uninterested as the first broad.
I’ve got a long way to go to get back to who I was, and I’m just not feeling the urgency. The thought of going through all this crap just to get some broad… my main priorities are still real estate and stocks. If it’s not those two topics, I’m not going to put much effort into anything else… even if it would lead to the best orgasms ever. I can handle the rejection but I can’t motivate myself to put in the work to get these broads. I’m gonna keep my profile up but I’m not gonna try hard or anything. If I get lucky, great. If not… whatever. When I’m ready to take this seriously, I’m sure I can get back to who I used to be. In the meanwhile, I'll compensate with my new hobby.
P.S.: As I look continue this online dating thing, it's becoming clear that I have much better luck in person. I'll always be better in person than on a dating site. I get the feeling that, once I'm retired from paycheck work and can actually go places, I won't have any problems. It should be just like riding a bike.
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