A Stance on Standards

On Thursday, I saw the husky woman driving in. Since I knew I was gonna be there all day, I decided I was gonna keep an eye on her vehicle to see when she would come back. I wanted to finally get a good look at her body to see if she would be worth breaking my rule of having sex with co-workers (or people that park at my job). After a couple hours, she finally came out of her job with her fatter friend. She said hi to me and I could tell they were talking about me once they got in her car. As far as her body goes, I was… I was offended.

In America, there’s this weird notion that black men like to date fat white women. This concept is explained by saying that, because they can’t get a better looking white woman, that they should go for the less attractive ones. Now I’ve seen this up close and personal, especially in the poor neighborhoods of Smalltown. It’s very rare to see a good looking black guy with a good looking white broad, so the notion gains some theoretical credence. In fact, when I went to that expo a couple weeks ago, all the interracial black/white couples looked god-awful and drugged up. When Marla and I dated, she commented that we were the best looking black/white couple in Smalltown. So, was this the reason the husky girl was attracted to me? Was the reason she felt compelled to announce her interest in me because she liked the way I looked, or was it because she believes my standards are lower and I would accept her flaws? My ego was incensed and that, in turn, made me furious. How dare she?!

I remember dating this woman Melanie back in 2010. We started off as fuck buddies and then tried to have an actual relationship. One night she invited me out to a place called Watertown, NY. We met up at a bar with some of her rich friends and it was... it was a sight to see. The bar was FILLED with rich older white women with black men. I thought it was a joke or some kind of theme for the night, but it wasn’t. It was like a fucking slave auction and I wanted to get the hell out of there. One of the other slaves came up to me and said, “Hey, what’s up man? Yo, that’s yo girl? That’s that good shit, man!” (referring to her incredibly tight jeans showing off her amazing ass) Once he said that, I got the hell out of that post-slave auction party and drove home. In my mind I kept thinking, "Did she expect me to graze around with the other blacks?!" It was a weird scene that gave me the creeps, and it kinda opened my eyes to the fact that, stereotypes, no matter how complimentary, are always a bad thing. We talked about it a couple days later and decided to forget the relationship and stay fuck buddies. It happened again when I would be at the clubs with Sam (formerly known as Sha) to pick up women. Countless a night would be ruined when, after I got a couple numbers and was by myself, some fat white woman would walk up to me and flirt. I’d get depressed and we’d leave soon afterwards.

I have hangups, and this could very well be one of them. But you know, I see a lot of black dudes playing up the big dick stereotype. They find it a source of pride to be compartmentalized as a sexual being. But let this dumb fuck go into a job interview and, while he’s talking about his qualifications, the job interviewer sees this big dick sexual beast and wonders, “Hmm. I wonder if he’s gonna harass some of the women here. Which one of my employees is this big dicked freak gonna fuck and impregnate?” It’s like being a broad with big tits. Being seen as merely a sexual object negates everything else a person is that can be worthwhile and important. It turns a person into a one-dimensional character, and that's when the real discrimination begins. A lot of black guys don’t see that, and those are the ones I wish would just die already. That was the case with Melanie and her attempts to form a relationship with me. Now I may have been stereotyped again by Miss Husky.

I’ve never been one of those “it must be because I’m black” kind of guys, and it could very well be that Miss Husky simply likes the way I look and was attracted to me without the racial overtones. Absolutely possible. But my ego is king, and it did a number on my conscience that made the aforementioned possibility irrelevant. All I could hear when I saw her looking at me was my ego yelling:

"How dare you approach me and try to start something? Do you have any idea how I look? More importantly, do you have any idea how you look?! Do you have any idea how great of a man I am?? You think just because my skin is dark, I have to settle for something like you? Are you fucking dense? Don’t ever offend me by voicing your attraction to me again! Some fucking nerve you’ve got..."

So obviously, I won’t be taking her out for lunch as I indicated in my last post. But I won’t be an asshole to her either. I’ll say hi to her like I do to everyone else, and if she asks me out I’ll say I have a girlfriend… or a wife… or maybe AIDS. I know that, because I'm in a town with 93% white people, I'll probably end up with one when I start dating... and that's fine with me. But my standards will always be the same, and Miss Husky is well below that line. Her possible reasons for her attraction to me are annoying enough to block out the idea entirely. I don’t want the first new chick I have regular sex with to be that heavy, and someone whose intentions I have to wonder about later.